Eloria

So Kevin has asked me to move with him after I graduate, and I do love him. However, I want some sort of commitment before up hauling my whole life. Plus, am I really ready to make this life decision? Am I ready to leave New Orleans? That I can say yes to, but am I ready to leave now? Do I really want to go with someone else or brave it on my own? The question is what do I want? And I just don't know?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!! I'm not even sure if he's the one I want. I mean others tell me I can do better, but how can i give up on someone who will be a kid with me, help me cook dinner, try new food with me, go shopping with me and give me an honest opinion, plays with me (in all senses of the word), can read with me, can be in the same room doing to different things and be content, and genuinely cares and listens to me. I don't want to live with regret. I'm at a lose, stuck, and on the verge of breaking down. Maybe I just need a good cry? I don't know, I just don't know.

Hi everybody! Some of you already know that I am trying to start a t-shirt company. The thing is I need to make sure my ideas for shirts would sell, you know do research and such. Well this is where you, my friends can help me! Send me a post back letting me know which shirt or shirts you would buy. Thanks everybody!

A shirt that says:
1. In 2008, I want to vote for a higher life form than a Bush.

2. Save a Cow, Eat a Vegan

3. Peeps + Microwave = happiness

4. Reading my shirt is just an excuse to look at my chest

5. Atheist and proud

6. I am a music pirate

7. A is for (insert picture of democratic donkey) Couldn't think of a good one for the elepant

8. D.A.R.E. (Drugs Are Really Exspensive)

9.What's your sign?(front) Mine's (insert picture of middle finger) (on back)

10. Black is always trendy

11. Guess my label?or Guess my stereotype?

12. Black is the new rainbow (if I have to explain light reflection and absoprtion this one won't work)

13. Legal and shirt that says Illegal

14. 42 is always my answer

15. God knows when you don't tip

16.God knows when you don't tip, that's why i'm atheist

17. Adopt kids cause then you get to choose them

18. I was a mistake

19. Laudry Day Shirt

20. I'm lazy that's why I wear t-shirts

Well there is 20 to choose from any suggestions or criticisms would be appreciated. Let me know which numbers you like!

Sustenance
10:00p.m.
October, 27 2006 at Southport Hall
200 monticello, New Orleans, LA 70121
Cost:

Sustenance CD release party. YOU DO NOT WANT TO MISS THIS. And there will be beer too! IF and The Garden District will be there as well.
Come in costume too!!
I am going as captain hook and kevin is going as peter pan!
and listen at www.myspace.com/sustenancemusic

Happy National Coming Out Day!
I celebarted by joining my college's gay straight alliance called ETC.

If you like Metal such as Tool or Atretyu
Come see Sustenance at Twist of Lime in Metaire

September, 9 2006

Twist of Lime
2820 Lime Street
Metairie, LA 70006
The cost is $5

The show Starts at 10 pm

Not sure you will like the music?
listen to them on MySpace

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=45515978

So much is my ind lately and the biggest thing that is botering me I can't tell anyone just yet. I can't even admit to myself. I just hope I have the strenght to get through it and through school for five weeks and work. I miss ebing around my friends. I went to hookah the other night and almost cried. I've been crying every night cause lately i just feel unattractive and boring. Thankfully kevin has been there and he has held me while I cry. I had a dream about my situation last night and it all panned out, but hahahahahahah dreams are nothing more than wishes and a wish is just a dream. School blows and is unbelieveably fatuguing I fall asleep everyday after school. I just hope my grades are good this semester. Never doing summer school again. I'm ready for liz and lauren to come home. I will be having a party in three weeks!

So I've been thinking about my friends lately and all I can think is that I wish them the greatest of happiness. It's a little depressing because of course I can't provide them with all the things I wish for them. Well here is a few wishes I have thought of:

Lauren- You know I love you, but hope you will find someone who appreciates your company more than I do and I hope treats you better than anyone else and makes you feel like the only woman in the world and he tells you that you are beautiful cuase you are inside and out. I hope you find happiness in whatever you decide to do in life whether it be biology or drawing comics. And you know I would totally buy any of your comics as long as you vote for me as dictator of the world. I hope you find some motivation and a job. I can't wait for our FEMA trailer parties and for school to end so I can spend more time with you.

Liz Dunbar- I hope you come out stronger than ever from the unfortunate circumstances Katrina has presented, and I know you have already grown from it. I wish for you to be successful in college and to be rich some day and own a castle with swan included. I hope you find the companionship you desire to have someday. I wish for us to many more crazy adventures to together when the moon is full. I miss you so much, and I hope to see you soon. You know I have FEMA trailer you could stay in! I love you

Liz Kroll - I hope you get into whatever college you desire and that it comes with a nice fat scholarship. I hope you find your niche in the world. I hope college is a great experience for you as well as you senior year. I hope you become rich someday too so you can afford some fancy gourmet meals and be successful in all your endeavors. I hope I can make some time soon to come over to your hosue and work on that collage I promised. I look forward to FEMA trailer parties and nights wiht my hookah and pool. Love you liz!

Julio - I hope you buy a new car soon. I hope you find a girl who is as crazy about you as you are about her. I hope you never stop being a family person and close to your family because no matter what they love you and they are there for you. I hope whatever plans you have for the futurewokr out.

Matt and Jen - I wish you happiness in your relationship even when you're fighting and angry with each toher. I hope you both do well in school when you do go back. I hope you both find your passion and pursue it. I hope you have a beautiful wedding. I hope all things work out for you in the end I wish you much happiness and success in the years to come.

Jenni- You don't need jacob. You are so awesome. You're kick ass and I'm sure someone out there is going to kick ass like you do and want to be with you. I'm sure things will work out, but for now just go out and have a good time!

For everyone else I love you and I wish you all happiness and success.

I admit I was stupid and immature for writing that entry. I was just so furious and frustrated at the time because I really strive to not take over kevin's life. I have never intended to change him either. I can admit i'm an evil little bitch sometimes, and i'm evil genuis planning to take over the world muahahahahahahahah! but you know who isn't at times. You're both really nice people, and i'd like to think i'm nice too sometimes. I would like us all to get along or atleast coexist for atleast kevin's sake. I'm willing to do that cause I know how much cares about you guys. All I can say is that I'm sorry and we were all offended for our various reasons, but I hope we can all move on from this point and it is all just water under the bridge now. Well I have math class see ya

I had a generally nice Mardi Gras. I did some shopping therapy, ate some hibachi, bought a hookah, and rode in a parade mardi gras day. Then I got sick, and I'm getting over it now. Lundi gras wasn't too great. I got pralines though. Silly annie, maha, and aimee getting all drunk. At least no one threw up in my car. then liz got drunk that night, and got on my mom's computer. She was pissed about that. I've come to the realization drunk peoepl are not that fun,and that I really don't like to be drunk. That's about all really si9nce I had work most nights during mardi gras.

So I shouldn't be calling anyone a bitch, but this woman (she would be offended if I called her a girl) really is a bitch. Okay so Jen is Matt's fiancee, and Matt is Kevin's best friend or atleast one of them. I really like Matt and I really liked Jen until I heard about what she told kevin's mom. she told Mrs. Debbie that I called her a devil woman. First things first, I love Kevin's mom. She is an awesome person. She's lived a lot of life and I respect her advice and her opinions. She gave birth and the man I want to marry. And if by any chance I had called Mrs. Debbie a devil woman Jen would be the last person I would tell. Plus, I can't stand how Jen treated Liz, but that's another story.
So Kevin tells me that he woke up yesterday around noon before the parade on the westbank was going to start, and Matt and Jen had come over to see the parade and just visit. So Kevin hears his mom and Jen talking (they have a relationship like sisters do just fyi)and Jen is telling his mom, "Eloria answered Kevin's cell phone last week and hung up on me." Such a frickin lie! I never answer Kevin's phone and doesn't answer mine. And Mrs. Debbie starts telling Kevin I pay for that phone I don't want her answering it, and that was really rude of Eloria.
Yet Jen failed to mention that for her birthday Matt invited all of us (me, kevin, and julio) to go eat with them at Dragos. We're getting ready to go and Jen calls Kevin and says, "oh well if you come with us our reservatiosn will be pushed back about two hours." I said, " Kevin, Drago's doesn't take reservations. I couldn't even get any for senior prom last year." He was at my house and my mom backed me up on that one. Kevin was like well maybe due to the hurricane. I said maybe, but he called matt later to see what they were doing and matt said they waited for an hour and a half for a table and that they did not have reservations. I mean is that not rude?
She was also saying that she never sees Kevin anymore, and that I admit is true. But Jen lives out in Destrehan, and even before I came along no one went out there to visit Matt or Jen. It's always Kevin's house, and I am not stopping them from coming over. Matt's over all the time playing Marvel vs. Capcom 2 with Kevin and when Matt is over Jen is constantly calling him wondering when he will be home. I tell Kevin all the time let's invite Matt and Jen to go eat with us or whatever. If anything I am with his friends more than I am with my own. Plus, we all work all the time. Kevin and I have school. Time is something no one has.
She also mentioned that Kevin had changed in his personality well hell ya. You're going to change when you find someone you love. Especially him because he's never been in love. Although ithink his mom has seen a positive influence I have had on him, but his mom also said to Jen yesterday that I boss him around. I told Kevin yes I do ask you do things, but you could refuse. I see how some could see that as being bossy, but most of the time Kevin can't decide what he wants to eat, what movie go see, or to do so I make the decision becaue I hate being in limbo. I said Kevin with your past attention span when it came to women I would be gone by now if you thought I was bossy. His longest relationship has been 3 months, but he knows what he wants and doesn't so he moves on. I can respect that a lot actually because I just hope things get better and they don't.
Mrs. Debbie mentioned to Jen I've only dated one guy, which is totally not true. Yes, I had one very long relationship. Mrs. Debbie said to Jen that I need to date more people, but from what I understand Jen has only dated one other guy besides matt her whole life and this guy abused her physically. Jen has no real right to comment on my dating habits. I've dated several boys and seen several boys and had relationships with boys. Both of these women I think have an automatic disapproval of me because I am young. Myabe in their eyes I am immature, but they are the minority when it comes to that.
Jen should be focusing on her relationship with Matt, her wedding, honeymoon, moving out, and i know she was throwing around the idea of going back to school. Mrs. Debbie just needs to realize I make her son happy and he makes me happy. We have a good relationship, and that her son does not need to hear her opinion of me. Being in a relationship is wokr enough without dealing with disapproving parents. But like I have said Mrs. Debbie loves me as long as she does not talk to Jen. Kevin was very distressed over this whole thing, and I don't blame him I am too. I just want his mom to approve, and before yesterday kevin told me his mom really liked me. It's sad that Jen's opinion matters more to her than her own son's or the evidence showing that I'm not a malicious person. I really need to get all that out. It's bothering me. I guess Kevin could have not told me, but I wanted to know. I love you Kevin. You are my everything.

Happy Birthday Lauren!

Basically my parents kicked me out this morning. I gave them my house key and my cell phone. Iam allowed to go home at midnight every night if I am looking for an apartment or am packing. Well I needed to go on a diet, but I didn't really need to go on a starvation diet. I have no problem with moving out I just don't have the money I mean I just bought a car, and there is nothing available. Kevin's mom may let me stay, but she says I need to try to work it out first. She's the only reason I'm going home tonight becuase maybe in the slightest chance in hell the may let me back in if I comply. She's right too that Kevin doesn't need to be in the middle of this especially since we are planning to get married. she said she would reason with my mom, but my mom would be like who the hell are you to tell me anything. My parents have their reasons I guess becasue I mean I have been coming in in the morning, and I missed my mom's phone calls yesterday becasue my phone was simply off, and I don't contribute around the house and I'm never home and kevin slept over with me on the couch the other morning which my parents said was blaintant disrespect. Yeah I guess it is my fault, but does it warrant me being kicked out of the house. I don't know ,but I'm fucked.

I'm sorry I've been so scarce lately, but work, school, and the love of my life have been taking up all my time. Most of you probably don't know yet, but ummmm well I'm in love. I really didn't think so at first, but now I know for sure. I'm not sure what I did before him. My parents love him. I have met all his friends and they love me, and his mom is begingin to love me and his grandmother adores me. He told me the other night that he now has a family since he has been dating me. My parents let him over to the house when they aren't there which is a huge deal. We work togethre and get teased so much at work for kissing each other and being all cuddly. I promised to get him a shirt that says i love my bartender. He's the reason I haven't been around. I spend every moment I have with him. He really likes to drive me aroudn whihc is great. I now love drifting, and wish I could drive a standard. He completes me and I complete him. It was odd how it happened cause nothing was actually said we just knew. Before me he never thought about getting married or having kids much less being committed. I am supposed to move in wiht him once his mom moves to texas. I think we're going to vegas for ahlloween to for a car show. Yes I have suddenyl realized cool cars really are, but still don't like to drive. Well that's me for now and why I've been away and plus when I haven't been wiht him i've been with lauren. Love you lots lauren! so glad you are home!

So who has more time to contemplate life, the universe, and everything other than me. What else are you supposed to do mixing drinks behind a bar or sorting clothes people leave on the floor. I've come to the conclusion I don't have much faith in the human much less human nature. I can't help wonder why am I here?
Why does God put us through earth before we go to heaven? The best excuse I can thihnk of is that it is a test of some sorts or that it will just make us appreciate heaven all the more. And other people define us and I want someone to define me. I think that's why we have families to help us have some unselfish purpose in life. I mean humans are selfish by nature. It's survival of the fittest. I can';t wait to die then none of this petty shit matters. I know that sounds weird but it's true. I'm reading abook called ahunted and it would disgust most people to their stomachs, but it is the quintessence of human nature. "So who'd you kill to get here?" "what are you running from? Everyone here is running from something." "We define humanity by how we treat animals because face it we treat other humans like shit. If all the animals were gone we'd lose our humanity, but we'd still have humans just no humanity." "you're saying the reason we have wars is because we have a low threshold for boredom."

So I was working in the Lingerie section today at Target. It made me wonder if Guys really care if our underwear and bras are cute or not. Cause I know girls are thrilled when we have on cute underwear and bras. I was just wondering if it did anything for you males out there or if it's just and obstacle or i don't somehitng of the sort. Let me know cuase I'm curious!

I am a lighthouse
Worn by the weather and the waves
I keep my lamp lit
To warn the sailors on their way
I'll tell a story
Paint you a picture from my past
I was so happy
But joy in this life seldom lasts

I had a keeper
He helped me warn the ships at sea
We had grown closer
'Til his joy meant everything to me
He was to marry
A girl who shone with beauty and light
They loved each other
And with me watched the sunsets into nights

And the waves crash around me,
The sand slips out to sea,
And the winds that blow remind me
Of what has been, and what can never be

She'd had to leave us
My keeper, he prayed for a safe return
But when the night came
The weather to a raging storm had turned
He watched her ship fight
But in vain against the wild and terrible wind
In me so helpless
As dashed against the rocks she met her end

And the waves crash around me,
The sand slips out to sea,
And the winds that blow remind me
Of what has been, and what can never be

Then on the next day
My keeper found her washed up on the shore
He kissed her cold face
And that they'd be together soon he swore I saw him crying
Watched as he buried in the sand
Then he climbed my tower
And off the edge of me he ran

And the waves crash around me,
The sand slips out to sea,
And the winds that blow remind me
Of what has been, and what can never be

I am a lighthouse
Worn by the weather and the waves
And though I'm empty
I still warn the sailors on their way

"I have job because people are inconsiderate"-Me

"What if God and the devil made a bet?"-Constantine

"I counted. It was ten times today. That is atleast once an hour!"-Me about my stalker

"I will not be satisfied until I'm under your skin"

"Put me on your "to do" list"

"There's a fine fine line between love and a waste of time."-Avenue Q

"I'm going to fuck someone up the ass with a easily breakable dildo like something way easy to break something so thin i can break it with a little pressure from my fingers."-Me

"you're mind is a hemaphrodite"-ben

"We all have our delusions and lies that we live with"-Me

"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl"-Pink Floyd

"You can walk down any back alley in sin city and you can find anything"-Sin City

"I've lost faith in love"

"Sorry if I have cynical tendencies: life hasn't been so kind all the time"-Me

"One person's dreams shatters so another person's dreams come true"-from some country song

"Please let me be the reason you lose sleep at night"

"Did you know i miss you?"

"And you don't wanna look much closer
Cause you're afraid to find out all this hope
You had sent into the sky, by now, had, crashed
And it did because of me"-Something Coporate

"I love hitmen no matter what you do to them you don't feel bad"

"Why are ya'll so happy? Because our lives suck."-Avenue Q

"If you be my playboy I'll be your bunny."

"I want you to want me"

"68, I owe you one"

"Nothing is as good as you can imagine"-Choke

"What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is soomebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction."-Choke

"Love is depressing...Love is like a boa constrictor that sneaks up on you and grabs hold of you."-Me

"We're covered in lies and thats okay,"-Vertical horizon

"Here, I'm supposed to tell her the truth. I admire addicts. In a world where everybody waits for someblind, random disaster or some sudden disease, the addict has the comfort of knowing what will most likely wait for him down the road. He's taken some control over his ultimate fate, and his addiction keeps the cause of his death from being a total surprise. In a way,being an addict is very proactive."-Choke

"The roses in my garden remind me of the pink liger shirt you like to wear."-Liz

"We're betrayed by everything we do. Our art. Our children. But we were still here.We are still here. What poor Misty Marie Wilmot has to do is hide her story in plain sight. She'll hide it everywhere in the world. What's she's learned is what she has always learns. Plato was right. We're all immortal. We couldn't die if we wanted to. Everday of her life, every minute of her life if she could just remember that."-Diary

"Everything I know, it's all in you."-Switchfoot

So happiness is a thing of the past. In on of those moods you know. I'm in one of those moods where I really shouldn't write, but I am. Just more of my bitching and complaining. No one gives a shit though except maybe liz. (Liz you have totally been my saving grace through all this) Well I have to say atleast I know the truth. Target blows, but I'm getting paid for it. Plus I have a stalker at target, and I don't get it cause I'm not good looking enough to have a stalker I mean I look like shit at work. I'm about to start working at Semolina again in two weeks. The people at Semolina atleast have some spice to them! I'm ready for taekwondo to start again. I want to kick Chris's ass again (hahaha you may be my age and bigger that I but I will always win when I'm in a bathing suit!) and break some boards. God it makes you feel so powerful. Can't wait to start weapons! YAY for sword and quarter staffs and nunchuks. For now I'ms orting clothes and singing random songs that come to my mind and avoiding that guy. Missing my old life and everyone. Needing things to fit back into place in my jigsaw puzzle of a life that I've lost faith in because nothing is as good as you imagine.

I umm sat at Lowes today from 9-2. I was supposed to have an interview at 9:30. Well my waiting paid off I was offered a job as a cashier. The pay is 7.25 per hour. Then as I was walking out the store this ghetto guy who probably has half my IQ had the audacity to hit on me. He aske for my name and number. I told him I think it's really creepy that some guy is hitting on me in a hardware store. He asked me how I got to know people then. I told him I go out to bars, school, and work. I said Usually at those places the guys actually try to get to know me before asking for my number. He's like well I'm trying to get to know you by getting you're number. He says I know I like the way you look. "Fuck you" i muttered under my breathe and quickened my steps. (how shallow is this guy?) He asked me will you get to know me if we work here together. I said yes, but it doesn't mean I'll like you. He asked me one more time what is your name? I said I'm not telling and walked out the door very fast to my car.

So when I got home,I stood in the wind and rain today,and I spun in circles watching my skirt twirl around me in gold and brown. I ended up in the grass in my backyard and staring over at our olive green pool. I do things like that every once in a while when things are like this. I took a peaceful nap too. The second half of my day was nice.

Your Japanese name should be

'Aki'

which means
"autumn".

You can be compared with
autumn, the way the autumn weather changes, is
how your feelings change. You have these mood
swings you can't control; one moment you're
happy, the next you're feeling almost
depressed. You're probably sensitive and
creative.


Which Japanese name fits you best? [females, 9 results + absolutely stunning ANIME pictures!]
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Broadsword-although there are many types of
broadswords, I am focusing on the European
type. Although this is generally one handed
weapon, it is fairly long and (in my opinion)
would make more sense to use two hands with it.
It is double edged, which means swinging wildly
can actually be fairly affective.


What weapon are you best suited to use?
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You are a maniac killer.
It doesn't matter who they are and what they
have or haven't done. You still want to kill
them. And for a simple reason only; it's fun.
Seeing people in pain is like ecstasy. Maybe
you have some sort of mental problems or you
are this way because of previous deep scars,
only you know. But now you are sadistic and
maybe you only like to see a special group of
people be in pain (e.g. preps). However you are
not the most social person in the bunch and
people think you are weird. That bothers you
somewhat but atleast you can entertain yourself
with daydreaming about killing them. After all,
they have no idea what's coming.

Main weapon: Explosives and torture
equpiment
Quote: "Insanity: a perfect
rational adjustment to an insane world" -
R.D. Lang
Facial expression: Wicked smile


What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
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People see fun in your eyes! People are drawn to
you because of your fun-loving personality, and
if they aren't...then they should be! You are
probably a really cool person who just wants to
have a good time without having to worry about
anything. A downside may be that people find
you annoying, or they think that you aren't
mature enough to take care of things. But don't
worry about it. They're just party-poopers
anyway, right?


What can people see in your eyes?(great ANIME pics)((IMPROVED!!!))
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